There's A War On Christmas w/ Will Carruthers single download

All proceeds will be donated to a homeless and refugee charity.

Helicon have teamed up with Will Carruthers (Spacemen 3 / Spiritualized / Brian Jonestown Massacre / Dead Skeletons) for the most provocative piece of Christmas cheer imaginable: There’s A War On Christmas.

Built around Carruthers’ acerbic spoken word, the track swings straight for the jaw of the forces poisoning the so-called “season of goodwill”: rampant individualism, performative outrage, anti-immigrant rhetoric, and a culture so saturated in greed and consumerism it’s forgotten what compassion even feels like.

It tears at the hypocrisy of those who weaponise Christmas while behaving in direct opposition to anything 'Christian Jesus' ever stood for: generosity, shelter, care for the vulnerable, and solidarity with outsiders.

It's a darkly comic lament for a country where people freeze on the streets while politicians argue about who’s allowed to sit in a manger; where refugees are cast as seasonal villains; where “Goodwill to all” has been replaced with “Fuck ’em all if they’re not the same as me.”

100% of proceeds from the single will be donated to frontline UK charities supporting homeless people, displaced families, and refugees this winter.

lyrics

Ho Ho Ho
Ho fucking Ho

I’m more Christmassy than you, you cunt
I can’t prove it, I don’t even know what day it is
I’ve been at the sherry since I woke up
Away in a manger, no crib for a bed?
You’d better not have arrived by donkey or small boat
You cunt
I’m more Christmassy than that

What could be more fucking jingle bells
Than nobody being able to afford anything ever again
If you are gonna tell a lie
Tell a big one
Only good children get nice presents?
I’m more Christmassy than Elon Musk, Santa
Where’s my bulging sack of ketamine,
unappetising opinions and shit jokes?
I’m more Christmassy than him, you cunt

Do me a favour, wake me up in spring
It’s a wonderful life? Fuck off, you cunt
It’s the bleak midwinter
I’m eating a banana and watching the road again
I’m more Christmassy than you, you cunt

Deck your balls with boughs of holly
Silent shite, There is a war on Christmas?
Bring me my longbow
I’m more Christmassy than you, you cunt.

I put my tree up in May, you can see it from space
If you squint, like a cunt
You cunt
I boofed a soufflé made of turkey grease on Boxing Day
And I am now, largely, mince pie
Pass the class A’s
I want a silent night
Wake me up in the January sales
In the Middle aisle of Lidl

discount stock
baubles and glitter

Old King Cole was a merry arsehole
And a merry arsehole was he
But as very, very merry as the cunt might have been
He wasn’t more Christmassy than me

I’m more Christmassy than the Christmassiest cunt you know, you cunt
So don’t you fucking Christmas me
Under the mistletoe

It’s the king’s speech, after Jim’ll fix it
And we can have a right royal knockout
Pass the brandy, Andy
Santa is an elf noncing alcoholic
And I'm more Christmassy than that
“Oh, I love Christmas pudding”
No you don’t, you cunt
You eat it one day a year
I have it every fucking day
Breakfast, dinner and tea
Except for Christmas
Nobody is more Christmassy than me

And no, I haven’t got you a present

Merry Christmas you cunt

credits

released December 3, 2025
Lyrics by Will Carruthers
Music by Helicon
Produced by Jason Shaw at Fuzzface Studio
Mastered by Mark Gardener at OX4Sound
Artwork by Chloe Keppie
Video by Film Foxwell